Greetings, mortals!

Once more I find myself summoned to the aid of my loyal followers, drawn forth from beyond the shadow to put your burning minds - and tender, nubile bodies - at ease.

Gather 'round, my children, bask in the knowledge and experience that I, Set, the dark father, have to offer. Rejoice in the wisdom that I am about to impart to you!

Dear Set,

Supposing truth is a woman--what then?

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Ahhh, it seems that one among you wishes to draw Him Who Is Called Sutekh into a lesson in philosophy.

First of all, for shame, my child!

Rather than attempting to amuse Set by signing your query with a signature that translates into a humourous acronym, you have opted to mask your identity behind the name of a dead man.

NEVER ATTEMPT TO DECEIVE THE DARK FATHER!

As lord of the underworld (once Anubis, the filthy mongrel, had been displaced), I am intimately familiar with many who have passed beyond to become one with eternity. I am well acquainted with the one you know as Nietzsche, and his current state of...er...endless partying. Yes, the underworld is one Big Party, or course. As it is said, so shall it always be! My will be done!

But I digress. Despite your ruse - which speaks volumes of your failure to adhere to my teachings - perhaps you feel as though this question and its answer have a particular value to your continued quest for knowledge and power and The Big Party. Come child, and let us examine it.

Since I cannot in good conscience refer to you as Friedrich Nietzsche, I hereby dub you "Hidden Underneath My Mediocre, Erroneous Ruse". Or HUMMER for short.

BUT BE WARNED, HUMMER! Mighty Set knows all, and your secrets will be laid bare in the exploration of this puzzle, in accordance with the prophecy!

First of all, we must ask ourselves, what is TRUTH?

It is defined as "Conformity to fact or actuality" or "A statement proven to be or accepted as true".

But is a dictionary a source you feel you can trust? Perhaps you think, "Of course it is, Mighty Set!"

AHA! YOUR FIRST FALLACY! You only believe the dictionary to be an honest, trustworthy fount of information because years of social engineering and library propaganda have brainwashed you into believing so! In order to truly understand "truth", you cannot look to books for a pat and "easy-to-digest-on-a-lettuce-salad" answer! You must look within yourself, your own experiences and hardships. You can only believe two things: 1) What you have experienced yourself and know to be true. and 2) Mighty Set and all his wisdom.

With that said, perhaps we must examine the particular quote from the writings of Mr.Nietzsche that you have chosen, and why you have chosen it.

It is, after all, a well known fact that Nietzsche was something of a misogynist. I cannot begin to tell you how many parties the bastard has ruined once he's had a few shots of Jägermeister...I DIGRESS!

The particular phrasing of the question implies that truth being a woman might be a disagreeable position. "What then?" is the voice of hopelessness, the implication that all might be lost of truth were revealed to be a woman.

Coming from a misogynist, that seems a reasonable conclusion, but it indicates that the querant - the asker of the questions - might abandon all hope when faced with the truth, should he or she discover that it was not the truth they were looking for.

Yes, already you see how keen my insight is. My incredible mind has already penetrated to the core of the issue, much like a drunken frat boy and his date at the end of prom night.

The matter at hand is your quest for answers and (as noted from your deceptive nature) your quest for identity.

You are afraid, HUMMER, that when the truth you are seeking is finally revealed to you, that you may not be able to bear it's awful goodness. That the truth may be too horrible to live with.

Well, fear not, loyal servant! Set has the answer!

In all of our weeks, there comes a time when a man (or woman) must seize his (or her) destiny. When that time comes (usually on the weekend) there is only one truth. One answer. One solution to all of ones worldly burdens.

The Big Party.

Invite some friends over, HUMMER. Get some cheap wine - two or three bottles per person should be adequate - some sexually appealing subjects, and let your instinct take over. Drown your worries in alcohol and narcotics! Free yourself from the power that your shame has over you, only then can you be truly free!

So to sum up, to bring it all back to the beginning, HUMMER, let me reiterate your question.

Supposing truth is a woman--what then?

Have drunken monkey sex with her, HUMMER.


Send Your Questions To Set!
dearset@gmail.com

Greetings, mortals!

Yet again, one of your own has stepped forward and admitted that, no, infact, he is not a perfect, untroubled creature! That yes, he does require guidance and advice from one as knowing as the mighty Set!

Well worry not, mortals! The time has once more come for Set to help his loyal servants alleviate themselves of the burdens and horrors of the world!

Pay strict attention, my children, and learn from the trials of others, that you may become stronger!

Behold! Set's Advice Column!

Dear Set,

I've foolishly roped myself into another e-debate. My friend was talking about Nietzsche on the forums and we were laughing and having a good time. But then he made some side remark about Kierkegaard as well. And then some other guy came in and poo-pooed Kierkegaard.

Now, I'm all for differences of opinion and all, but this guy hasn't read any of his (Kierkegaard's...or Nietzsche's for that matter) books. And more importantly a glance at his profile shows the pretentious git for who he is. Anyways, you know how these things happen, I jumped right in and tore a strip off him.

My friend loved it, but the guy kept on being as ignorant as he was before, asking if I'd even read the sources I quoted. Dear Set, why do I keep doing this? Is not the enlightenment of others a noble practice?

-Stupefied at People's Amazing Moronity

Well, SPAM, while your attempts to enlighten others is admirable, I know all too well how frustrating it can become when faced with others' unwillingness to learn. First off, I suggest enjoying a long night of drunken debauchery to take your mind off of it. Maybe make that a full week of it, actually. Be sure to bring your friend along with you in your adventures as well.

Second, remember that the Aeons are tricky and dangerous opponents for you to face in your ever-loyal servitude to your Dark Lord. Even the seemingly most noble of causes can turn into a trap set by them to try and ensnare you away from the mighty Set's love! While discussing philosophies is never frowned upon by your Dark Lord, remember well the tenets of your Path...

• Immerse yourself in whatever you hate, fear or shun, that it may not hold power over you.
• Tempt, confuse and degrade others, that they may recognize their own limitations and seek to overcome them.

Not sure on how to accomplish this? Fear not! The mighty Set offers helpful examples!

First, I suggest apolagizing for your behaviour! That's right. Next, become his new best friend. He'll think better of you for (falsely) admitting that he is superior in his knowledge and wit, and therefore come to trust you, and through time you will also gain helpful hints and information on your new tar... err... friend! Through this, you will quickly become immersed in whatever passes for his circle of friends, which can then be used to confuse, degrade, and tempt him!

But that's not all! By spending time with such a pretentious git as he, you will test yourself! To help initially acclimate yourself, I recommend dealing with him mostly while intoxicated in some way or another. Preferably many different ways at a time.

If fortune smiles on you, not only will you have recruited yet another member to our cause, but you will have successfully met yet another challenge that the disgusting Aeons have placed before you! Once again, proving your strength of will in serving the mighty Set!

But enough of these worries, SPAM. This is all the advice that mighty Set can offer you this Night!

Your problems have become my problems, and together we have explored the solutions!

Now, lose yourself in The Big Party!
Because there is always tomorrow to worry about the things that trouble you.

Send Your Questions To Set!
dearset@gmail.com

Greetings, mortals!

Many moons have passed since I availed my services to you!

For months have I waited, and now the day has come!

Yes, one of your own has stepped forward and admitted that, no, in fact, she is not a perfect, untroubled creature! That yes, she does require guidance and advice from one as knowing as the mighty Set!

Well worry not, mortals! For though Set has waited, watching you wallow in denial, consumed by woe and burdened by the horrors of the world, the dark father will not deny his loyal servants in their time of need!

Pay strict attention, my children, and learn from the trials of others, that you may all become stronger!

Behold! Set's Advice Column!

Dear Set,

I recently quit my job, leaving them high and dry, and me feeling satisfied. Very satisfied in fact. I even considered going back to burn down the building in a fit of spite. Now that the initial outburst is dying down, I feel a little guilty for wishing that my former manager died tragically in a freak sodomization auto-erotic asphyxiation accident, and even more guilty for not giving notice.

What should I do?

Also, what sort of job should I look into getting?

Worried,
 Particularly Unsatisfied & Nastily Yearning - Help Understand My Assholish Nature!

First of all, PUNY HUMAN, let me congratulate you on a bold maneuver. Too many loyal followers of mighty Set find themselves locked into tragic, servile positions. Slaves to the dollar, they waste away as they yearn for little more than the next paycheque, never fully grasping that the endless chase for rent money has retarded them spiritually and stunted their ambition. By taking a chance and quitting your job, you have freed yourself from the first of society's nefarious shackles, much the same way that Isis fled from Apep.

To celebrate your new found freedom, I would suggest "The Big Party".

Not only will The Big Party allow you to be joined by friends to celebrate your triumph over the social order, but it will also dull the misplaced guilt that you feel over wishing ill on your employer.

That's right - misplaced guilt.

Does a pharaoh feel guilt when a slave dies during construction of a great pyramid? No.
Does Ra shed a tear when his heat and light slay families on the open desert? Surely not.
Did I feel pangs of guilt when I dismembered Osiris and spread his divided remains across Egypt? Ha ha ha, no PUNY HUMAN, of course not.

And thus, nor should you feel any guilt for wishing harm upon your own oppressor. In fact, your former employer should be grateful that you only went as far as to imagineharm befalling them. The shame and degradation of menial labour is more than enough justification for a good lashing out against the autocracy.

So feel good about your decision, PUNY HUMAN, you have done well.

Find strength in the comfort that only copious amounts of alcohol, mind altering narcotics, and pre-marital sex with multiple partners can provide. You've earned it!

As for your second question, regarding what sort of employment you should look into now, there are many, many options before you, and some of them aren't even inhumanly degrading.

All too often have I, the dark father, heard the same cries of sorrow: "Oh, mighty Set! I need a good paying job, but I don't have the many tens of thousands of dollars required to afford a decent post-secondary education!"

Children, you have looked too far! Everything you need is within you already!

For starters, consider that a healthy kidney will fetch upwards of $40,000 on the black market. That's more than twice what you stand to earn working full time at a demeaning, soul-crushing minimum-wage job.

But in these final nights, $40,000 doesn't go a very long way. Perhaps you want something that will keep money coming in on a more regular basis.

Many laboratories offer respectable wages to human test subjects. Do you suffer from chronic illness or headaches? Perhaps this is career for you! Get paid to be cured by the latest advances in medical science! And at the very least, take heart in the knowledge that what does not kill you makes you stronger.

Or perhaps a job that allows you to work from home? Set your own hours? Meet new and interesting people with interests similar to yours? Does this sound appealing to you? Then allow Set to suggest one of the most popular, time-honored and respected careers in the history of the human race!

First of all, you will want a large, comfortable bed, with several sets of clean sheets.
You must also familiarize yourself with the area near your home. Try to find a popular street corner, or perhaps spend time loitering outside a nearby nightclub. If you spend enough time waiting in places such as these, you will inevitably meet people willing to offer you money in exchange for goods...or services.

And that, PUNY HUMAN, is all the advice that mighty Set can offer you this night!

Your problems have become my problems, and together we have explored the solutions!

Now, lose yourself in The Big Party!
Because there is always tomorrow to worry about the things that trouble you.



Send Your Questions To Set!
dearset@gmail.com

Greetings, mortals!

Yes, it is I, Set, Egyptian god of darkness and the underworld!

For many thousands of years I have slumbered, and now -
AT LAST! - I have risen to fulfill my earthbound destiny!

Yes, I can hear your collective, tormented voices crying out in unison
with pain and suffering, all asking the same question:
"What? What, oh mighty Set, is your great, earthbound destiny?"

Well, my children, the answer is simple:
I have risen to help you!
Yes! You! All of you, the directionless, the misguided! The misunderstood and
the confused! The sexually frustrated!
I have come to help all of you, to answer your questions!

But, in order to answer your questions, you must first
ASK THEM!

Although it is true that I can hear your prayers and, in fact, know more about your
personal problems than you yourself do, I refuse to help anyone who cannot find the
strength in themselves to admit that they need help.

The first step, my children, towards total enlightenment is to cast off the shackles
of pride and surrender to the fact that you need my help. Only then will you be
prepared to take the full girth of my engorged knowledge and put it to satisfying use!

I am here to help you, in accordance with the prophecy!

Send Your Questions To Set!

dearset@gmail.com