Greetings mortals!
After a lengthy, highly medicated absence, I have returned!
Kneel and worship at my serpent!

For many moons I have heard your calling - your pleading for guidance, your begging for advice, and your skull-numbingly insulting questions that are clearly intended only to waste my time!

I'm a god of darkness! I have important things to do! Important things to drink! Important things to snort! Important people to molest!
But enough! I thought you were ready to be left on your own, to seek my strength within yourselves but I see I was mistaken!

YOUR DARK FATHER HAS RETURNED!

Appease me with gifts of gold and fellatio, and in turn I will answer your many queries!

Such as this one: (Sweet, merciless ME! This query is almost as ancient as the sands of Ombos!)

Majesty,

Hyopthetically, if one were to own a deli, and wish to name a sandwich after you, what would you desire to be on said sandwich?

Your servant,
Ed Staples

...I came all the way back to a lucid state...FOR THIS?

Do you know how long it takes to metabolize 69 pounds of pure Columbian...NEVER MIND!

First of all...Ed...if that is your real name...the Dark Father is a strong proponent of proper spelling. In the future, you will spell check all of your missives with the utmost of care. Or else I will put the wild hyenas on you and command them - COMMAND THEM - to gnaw your genitals into scraps of deli-owner JERKY.

HYPOTHETICALLY, if there were a HYPOTHETICAL sandwich named after me, it would be loaded with lettuce and that special sauce that Horus always puts on my lunch. I don't know. I think it's mayonnaise. And jackal. A nice roast jackal makes a damn fine sandwich worthy of Set's name.

That's right Anubis! I went there, you bastard!

And so, Ed Staples, this wondrous sauce-and-lettuce laden delectable would be best known as "THE TYPHON" - and it would carry a warning to all who would dare seek out it's delicious secrets.

And that warning would be "MAY CAUSE THE MEAT SWEATS".

As a hypothetical deli owner, dear Ed, I am certain that you are intimately familiar with the meat sweats, and your Dark Father, I, Set, God of Darkness, extend to you my sympathies. For even I, in my god-like largeness, have known the abdominal horrors that only meat overdoses can bring.

There! As promised, so has it come to pass! Your Dark Father is back, and the rest of your questions will be answered swiftly. So send more!


Send Your Questions To Set!
dearset@gmail.com